I'm insane today. I seriously am. You know what I do? I laugh to myself during lessons. For nothing. Haha! Maybe there's a reason behind it but still I must have looked retarded. I was sitting alone by the way, because its the exam period.

GERALD SAYS I'M DRUNK.
I WISH I WAS.

Anyway, today was relatively good. Even though I seem to be seeing Mr L like half the time because he's always borrowing other teacher's lessons to teach us math and we had to stay back still. But Shimin was sitting beside me and its funny having her as a partner. She and her stories. We had free period for geog too! Hell yeah =D

Shopped at Zara with Shimin after school for awhile (: We've got plans on what to do after mids already! Nice...

I'M STILL HIGH BECAUSE OF GOD KNOWS WHAT REASONS.
ILOVEMYBOYFRIEND!

& now my mum says I'm in love because she said I was smiling to myself while writing notes. Told you I'm insane today.



I remember quite clearly what time it was. 0400. Hey, it has been so so long since I got that freaked out by thunder and lightning. I blasted the radio to full and at the same time listen to the Ipod, I closed my curtains too but nope, I could still hear sounds of thunder and see lightning flashes. I hate it. I really hate it. Tania was awake by then but what can she do? She was scared too!

Rang people up. Yes at such an unearthly hour (I'm sorry for that but yeah I needed to). Fortunately, people picked up! (: But they either had something on the next morning and I couldn't keep them awake, could I? Or they had no energy to keep themselves awake. Ben didn't even have the energy to scold me.

"Ben! I'm damn scared"
" Siao"
"How?"
"Go hide under your pillow"
"If that helped, I wouldn't be calling you already, are you going to kill me?"
"Maybe"

Figured that staying in the living room would be much better. I don't know why, maybe because I could watch the television and I felt more secure there. So basically, last night wasn't great at all. Furthermore, I had tuition this morning.

Han left this morning too, sadly. I didn't get to say bye because I overslept his flight time. Damn. Today was a great day though. People made me happy plus I watched an extremely sweet movie.





Honestly, I've clean forgotten how it was like to feel light-hearted and joyful but I'm trying to get those feelings back. I'm sick and tired of being so emotional about things. Carefree life or not. There's so many other things in the world that can make me happy. There's so many people who cares. There will always be sunshine after the rain. Isn't it?

4th month baby,

ILOVEYOU


Cause here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love you
When nothing you do could change my mind

Didn't attend Physics for Han's house. I like to hope that I would not get busted by Miss L on Monday. Han's leaving on Sunday. This was the last time I could see him till his next holiday. They made me smile before reality came rushing right back into my life when it was time to go.

I hope life could be so carefree, when innocence is still diffused within us. A world where everything is more real, just like babies. They cry when they have to cry, laugh when they want to laugh, they don't hide behind a facade. Everyone now wants everyone to think that they're doing just fine. All those lies and superficiality. I've seen too many fake smiles, this speciousness just obviates anything real. I've had enough. But then again, when is enough really enough? That mask that everyone is wearing? It'll never be taken off and you'll never know what another is truly thinking about.

Why the heck did I fucking let myself drag into matters that shouldn't matter-

I only made myself the object of the pain. What you said to me? I'm over it. You should have spoke the truth, you seriously should have. What's the point of telling me all that crap, it's just a wasted conversation. Now, I'm made the fool.

I cannot believe I actually tried to help. It wasn't right, but I can't say it was wrong either. I guess. After all, you just needed to stop him from falling deeper. I never should have asked, should I.

I'm extremely exhausted. Completely effete. Mid years started. First paper-English, screwed up. What more can I say? The comprehension itself could rip me of my confidence. It's only English, my everyday language and it already killed me. I cannot imagine how the other subject papers are going to be like.

I should just get my head focused only on Mid years. To hell with all those problems. They GOT to wait, no matter what. We should give one another a time-out, to just take one step back and perhaps we'll find whatever that we've been searching for and maybe we'll come to realize we've been heading towards the wrong direction all these while.

Baby,I need you right now )=



First and foremost,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAIMUN!

I've caught the flu bug. Damn damn damn.

Shimin did something super funny. She sms me, pretending to be my secret admirer since she thought I didn't have her number. HAHA, minute maid.

Thunder and lightning, again?!!? )= Someone please.

I'm not really talking sense now. I hate the flu. I hate the thought of Chinese composition tomorrow. I hate Chemistry Test tomorrow. I just hate the way I'm feeling now


It's so hard to forget.
Everything that we've ever talked about.
Remember watching fireworks together?
It never happened.

I miss then.
When I knew I could always fall back on you.
You say you will always be there. Always.

It's really hard trying to salvage back that friendship.
And all that's left are memories.
Some that never seem to fade.
That's what makes it terrible.













Yesterday,
We had to attend this chinese clan thing. Had a good talk with laoshi and yes, she agreed that the school is pressurizing us a little too much. Anyway, I had fun attending the clans, learnt quite a lot I must say (: Went out with Michelle/Tania/Joel Ee/Kester/Zisheng(I'm not sure how his name is spelt) for dinner. It was really inconvenient for us girls because we were carrying this tray thing that was given to us from one of the clan. Yeah, and I had to carry this damnit heavy plastic bag too /:

I guess my mood wasn't all that good then. Haha, but the company I was with were with really funny! Especially bickering over which choice I should choose. Kester sounded all professional.

Michelle, "you can call me when you're sober"
Joel," you can call me when you're drunk"
HAHA! I just find it hmm funny (?)

They sent us to the MRT station where we ended up talking there again. Kester and Tania scandal yo. Tania was blushing big time. Zisheng took the train back with Tania and I too.

Zisheng to me, "Why is Tania's ego so big?!? "

Haha, she kept telling him that he was stalking us and he even tried to prove that he wasn't by pretending to walk out of the train.

I mugged today! Omg, I feel so accomplished! I finished homeworks that are due on Monday! =D I only went online to get a document and yeaaah! Whoo! Feel so good. Oh and I was studying with Tessa whereby she got so jealous when she saw this sentence that was on my calculator. Then there was the thunder and lightning /: I got jacked like shit by her because I kept covering my ears and she said that I was such a coward and ran to brag to my dad about her being not afraid and me being so afraid. She even compared me with PRIMARY 3s man! What the heck.


Caught the match between Chelsea and Newcastle with Dad! Dad was supporting Newcastle and I was supporting Chelsea! And when Chelsea was about to goal, I was screaming away and when Chelsea missed, Dad was like "YEAH-ing" the whole time. The first half of the game was pretty boring though and they tie /:








They say writing a letter to someone makes everything easier. I really wonder, sometimes...Distance makes the heart grow fonder, but there's only so much that a heart can grow. It's amazing how easily we can convince ourselves about something? We remind ourselves of things which perhaps aren't totally true and in no time we accept the fact that its a whole and honest truth. Like how much you want things to be just like a fairytale and you tell yourself that it is, not doing much about it. But when reality struck you in the head in time to come, then you realize how long you've been lying to yourself.

I bet you couldn't answer these if I asked you. What makes me special, eh? What makes me different from everyone else? So why me? I won't lie and say that I've not been wondering.

To tell you the truth, I miss you a hell lot and I'm not sure when's the next time I will see you again.



Mikoh!: I found another one of those stickers on my calculator just now (; How could you make a mistake between baby#1 and #2 (?!?!?) And I didn't spell your name wrongly, extra "e" was for emphasis. You know you know... ... Yeah!

Gretchen: Nah, I'm just tall. With of without heels.

Joel Ee: Maybe that's what most grandparents are like and for (:

Melissa: HELLO MEL!

Joel: Hey, you're joel loi right? Haha! Sorry! Yeah, HI! (:

Amos: You're not as inspirational as me, afterall, I'm older by 12 days! ( that's very significant). I'm sure the conversation was fast dude /: You were obviously blur to the core and that reminds me of how you got hit by the ring by norman because of your blurness. HAHA!

Brandon: It's okay (: There's always another time I guess.

Amadea: Serious? I was at the upper level. It's kinda like at the centre of the whole upper level. That place where the chair goes one round. (I you wouldn't know what I'm talking about) Haha, where were you man!

-


We picked up a bird when we were on our way for PE. It was weak but it still pushed itself to fly across the building. It died in the end and I thought it had a chance of living. It was still young. Too young. I already secured a Gold for Napfa but I'm left with situps which I hope I wouldn't get a D for. Everything in school today was pretty much mundane apart from the fact that I got jinxed by Michelle and Tania. Yeah, 2 times of not being able to talk. That feeling is terrible. I wanted so much to answer questions in class but nope, couldn't do it. They even asked the class to call me by my chinese name and everyone did so D:

Had shepherding with my silly shepherd, Joanne. She's oh so silly like beanie. I learnt something though. Something that I really got to ponder on.

It's one of those irrational crushes that ambush the very young. You simply can't run away from it. Damn all these feelings. It's just the fact that I let people slip into my life very easily (if you get what I mean). I feel the distance getting further. I'm losing myself. I'm losing myself so badly.

The guilt's killing me.



Amos is sweet because he agreed to come all the way down to my school to accompany me to go Kap. Met up with Ken, Rafael and Kai there too. Gretchen came along, Michelle and Narmatha joined us a little later (:

Raf was being Raf >): laksjdlasjd!!! Haha, and I was kinda shocked when he told me that he was actually kidding about everything that he said when I was smsing him. I don't know, it just puts a smile on my face (:

Ken and Amos tried guessing my tablet password. Yknow we actually played hangman for that. It was damn hilarious because Ken was giving me stupid answers and Amos was scolding him half the time since the hanged man was going to get hang (?) Yeah and when Ken just signed into his MSN, it had "i want trina" as his personal message! =DD LOL!

Michelle helped me with my very overdued jianbao :D She was so deprived of her garlic chilli man! HAHA! And yes we talked about other things too aye. Amos was in his own little world then. I swear i found him damnit innocent at that point of time. Like seriously, he was so blur about everything.

Was trying to figure out which busstop to go to since I was kinda unsure about how Ken directed me. Narmatha was trying hard to explain to me the bus system which I actually understood all along but didn't tell her so. Super hilarious! Bus-ed to Newton with Amos. He gave me hope of still being able to grow! =D Whooo-hooo.











That's Amos and he's younger than me by 12 days. I'm so glad he's younger. Gives me a reason to jack him because he's only a teeny weeny bit taller than me =D So I decided to meet him after school, for the very very first time, since my maid already returned home and I didn't have to rush home to babysit my siblings.

Sat at Shaw, he and I bumped into many people. They all thought that we're together. I find it really amusing since we were just talking you know.

The radio says that guys ogle at girls with, I want to f you, kinda mindset. But girls ogle at guys with, I want to have you, kinda mindset. HAHAHAHA!

I survived such a long day.
Proud of myself.

&
MICHELLEE! =DD TAKE CARE!



I like being alone at the roof terrace.
I saw fireworks. I saw stars.

Gazing at the stars-to me it means enduring something that has to be endured. More than that, it means missing someone. Really missing someone.

It's been years since she slipped away,my grandmother. Human beings are funny. We never know how to truly cherish someone until they're gone. Come to think of it, she has always been there for me, no matter what. She would pray for me before every test of mine. She would go all out to get me something that I wanted. She supported me all the way. Telling her how much I love her and expressing my gratitude, it all seemed quite futile to me then. As usual, I thought there will be tomorrow to do so. The truth is, tomorrow doesn't come by for everyone. And it didn't for her. Stars, they measure all I have lost but despite all that, it also reminds me of people I love and will continue to love.

A kiss on the cheek, the sweetest goodbye.

Somehow, this blog is dead.





I've got so much to say cause life's been just fantastic-outside school. So I can't get myself to sleep because of I don't know what. Yes, it's one of those lie in bed, counting sheeps but to no avail kinda night, again. Sad how time passes so damn fast when you're having fun. I need more of those times, to really play and hang out all night. (Like that would happen soon :/ )

Anyway, Thursday was pretty cool since I coincidentally bumped into Derrick, Cheeying and Clara in the bus while I was heading home. And I haven't seen those girls for years. Serious. There was so much to catch up on but they had to drop off so soon. But I find it really amazing how I could meet 3 people, all from different schools at the same time. That's a sign. A gathering needs to be held! Haha, especially my primary school mates.

Training was well, rather frustrating since I wasn't able to roll and do all that crap properly. Hey I mean you see everyone's ball rolling so nicely and yours like some lakjsdlkajsd. Yeah and my parents just had to rub into it by saying that my brother can easily win me. Point taken.



Hanged out in town with Michelle/Narmatha/Clara/Joel ee today which is yesterday since it's 1 plus in the morning. We had such a hard time finding a place to have dinner and those heels were killing me. Caused me to have so many unglam moments. Not that I don't have many already, but it just adds on to it. Hahaha. Nevermind, I don't know what I'm talking about. Decided to play pool in the end. I haven't played that since how long ago? I forgot. That just proves how long I haven't touched the cue. But I still suck at it anyway. Gretchen joined us after the intermission for crezawards(: It's so hard to prevent having unglam moments when playing pool especially when you never seem to be able to get those balls into those pockets. It was so so close.

The train ride back was packed and I saw a trans. That's waay interesting. I want to try out this Hindu writing thing, हेल्लो हः, थिस इस सो कूल। ओम्ग, ई क्नोव हिंदी? ही! ई डोंट'त थिंक थिस मेक्स एनी सेन्स अत अल। बुत व्हो कारेस, इत'एस दोंव्रिघ्त कूल। LOL!

Hellogoodbye, I still can't get to sleep despite typing this freaking long post.
&
It's Zee's Birthday!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE =D




No matter what I do, all I think about is you.

I've got abs from laughing.



The passion wears off. It just does.
And then you have to decide if you can live without it.
Or not.

I've got a strong feeling that I'm going to flung my geography test. I didn't quite study at all actually so it's not going to be of any surprise. Furthermore, I wasn't in class when she taught those chapters that were tested. So, basically, I know nuts about anything.

I've been living a seriously slack life. Not that I am able to, but it's just that I'm very restless about everything. I'm not completing my homework or even bother rushing it out when my teacher chases me for it. Maybe I do rush some of the easy few. Like how I pushed myself to complete my chinese corrections which made me feel like my hand was about to break off.

Yesterday, my msn was active to the core. As in there were alot of conversations at one go. Yknow I haven't had that for a long long time /: But anyway, yes, it was because of this, " save water, shower with your boyfriend" personal message that I had. HAHA! I didn't think that it would attract so much attention. It's kinda cool until Zee told me something more direct, "save water, shower with me". =D So the conversations were mostly horny. Shane suggested a shower party, just imagine.

Back to school, we had this forum thing during assembly and it was madness i tell you. Pupils were like going out and voicing about respect and all that stuff? Its really hard for you guys to understand just by reading it. You'll really laugh your ass out if you're there. It somehow turned into some sort of debate between the councillors (how do you spell it) and pupils?

Head down to tanglin macs for lunch, late late lunch. The guy who served us was hah, gay? The way he speaks that is. Super funny when Michelle imitates him.

Got drenched on my way home ): Then while I was walking past acsjr there was this boy who told his friend, " those two girls are going to be drenched". Aye, so cute right? HAHAHA! Really, his tone was so adorable. He was sharing this small umbrella with his friend too. Omg, downright cuteeee! But anyhow, I'm not going to be drenched, I was already drenched.

On a random note,

Whooo-hooo! ((:
Next friday, gerald lee, GERALD LEE!
Maybe its because I havent seen him for ages.
Maybe its because he never bores me.

Crescent band clinched a gold for SYF and Gretchen specially called me to share her joy. Awwww! But man, jeremy said our band was good too. That means gretchen you're good and all the other band members too. Haha! Celestine can finally stop freaking out.

I've got that song stuck in my head.
Damn, I've got this craving to go clubbing.
People are sending me information of ticket sales,
and people are goinnngggg..... /:



Funny how we always seem to lose and gain friends in life. Some friends however, you'll always want to keep, but somehow they tell you they've already stopped missing you. No they don't tell you, you know it and that's the worst thing. You would pretty much lose no matter how hard you try to salvage it. Pity.

I've lost many I've never wanted to lose.
What was I expecting anyway.
"Friends forever " ?

That's just life for you.



But in the end, it doesn't really matter



Flag day was slack. Really slack. We tried going around asking for donations before deciding to head for cine to get some air-con and then realizing that us watching a movie wouldn't do much harm, would it? Caught, Number 23, by the way! It looks pretty scary at the start, but generally its cool. We had the whole cinema to ourself yo apart from a few men who were sitting behind us. That's it.

Yeah, so we did do some good deeds yesterday, zoey/grace/tania and I. We helped this foreign couple get to the MRT station while singing "heal the world" outside paragon. Hilarious I tell you. The singing that is.

So guilt started to set in when it was time to return those tins and mine was barely half-filled where else other people's were barely empty since they went all out trying to get people to donate. It could be quite fun collecting donations if you really think about it huh. Oh well.

Met my family for lunch and I suppose my Dad was in an amazingly good mood because he actually agreed to get Tania and I a new bowling ball each. Maybe the fact that my dad got me a new bowling ball motivated me to study a little harder yesterday.

Tried the ball out at Keppel. Met weiwei/ben. Fine, I admit I intended to be super dao to them. I mean, ah, long story. But then again, they were really sweet yesterday. No kidding man. I even talked to weiwei about stuff (: Oh and I'm impressed I bowled well yesterday. Niceee...

Heart-to-heart talk with Mum before going to bed. I told her everything, almost everything but I did drop hints about certain things that couldn't be said too directly (?)It was easy to talk to her since she knew who my friends were.





I love you and I always will.
No matter what happens.



You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care




I cried myself to sleep last night. I just couldn't accept the fact that I could possibly misplace my phone, again! And the feeling of knowing that you might never get to have a phone in the next few decades made it worst. Maybe you know that feeling without a phone. Its like, you're....lost and you can't seem to focus on things that you may be doing.

So I tried calling my club again this morning to check if anyone found a phone. But no. Guess I was in a daze the entire time UNTIL my mum messaged Tania and told her that she found my phone in the car. Yes, I was feeling really really really relieved but stupid too.

On a side note,
I want to get tanner!
I want to head down to east coast.



So busy turning away from reality

I'm shagged. Shagged from everything this life has got to offer. I find myself running into an emotional streak. I don't seem to have the energy to give my two-cents worth of, anything. I realized, this year, moments of happiness never last long. Dissatisfaction always sink in. I have absolutely no idea what I want from myself or people, unsure of my purpose in life. Its funny how others can easily find that satisfaction and happiness, but I can't seem to find any at all?

Sometimes I wished I had the answers to everything.



We're both caught in suspension



Talked on the phone with Gerald till late yesterday. Haven't had late night phone calls for ages ever since my dad had the habit of sleeping late and when he set a rule of me not being able to on my phone after 9pm. I still remember someone getting busted by my dad because he called like way past midnight. The conference call and everything. But oh well, since dad went overseas, hah! I MISS GERALD LEE WEI-EN!

I practically took every opportunity in class to sleep. I was really really sleepy. I mean like I only had what? 4 hours of sleep? That's like me being totally deprived of my sleep.

Head for Tanglin Macs with Michelle/Narmatha and Gretchen who joined us in the evening. It was downright hilarious. I think my eyes kinda became smaller after all that laughing. Not that it isn't small already. Talked about ___ for hours. I was trying to convince Michelle that I have found the perfect guy for her and she was trying VERY hard to find one point that would turn her off. Yeah and when you put two of them together, its like, "Horny and horny, whoa!" Who knows what they would do to each other!

Ate dinner with Gretchen at Shaw before shopping at Zara for awhile. It's been a goood day! I just can't quite remember what homework I have. Honestly, I'm lagging quite alot for my studies considering the fact that I missed many lessons. But I'm not making an effort to catch up.

I hope I can see baby tomorrow ):






I love the way you make me smile

Some old pictures from last year that I found while using Theodore's computer. He owes me so so many pictures! I'm going to bring my hard-drive the next time I invade his computer =D


<3

Ain't they just adorable?


Us and Theo's painting (:


I think he looks exceptionally adorable here.
--

Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINDA! (:
HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY TOO!

I'm amazed with the amount of people who got pranked.

Update later.

--

/EDIT



Here's an update.

Went to Shangri-La for lunch with Theo and family! Finally! And I think my mum is going to take to me to the doc soon and they're going to have to do a blood test D: That's freaky. I told Amadea that I would have to stay home for a few days after they draw my blood because since they took my blood, I'm going to feel faint and thus not being able to attend school! Haha! No more food with simple sugar for me ): No icecream/CHOCOLATE! I'm so deprived.

Hanged around at Theo's house and he taught me a short chorus from one of Eminem's song. Made me make a video too man! The video is damnit hilarious because I have no idea how to rap or whatsoever.

Bdiv quartet tomorrow (= No school! Whoo-hoo!